hey..
been keeping my brain empty.. or occupy it with something to think about..
or at least i'm trying to..
just now glanced by what my mum was watching on tv..
in simple singlish.. "walau.. parents teaching their pri sch kids to jaywalk.. tsktsktsk"
do they seriously think its wrong?..
i personally think that jaywalking is one of life's skills..
what if a grp of say.. 5 frens wanted to cross the road..
den 4 of them crossed earlier.. left the guai kia in the middle of the road.. den how?..
theres a few more examples i tot of.. haha.. but nvm.. u get the idea..

den.. browsed deviantart.com for beautiful pictures... to cheer myself up.. yay..
i love photographs of nature..
they got really stunning views there overseas..
yea.. Singapore is too cluttered.. but.. what can we do.. haha

played Hellgate London for awhile.. been some time before i played... i tink.. CNY ah?..

and why isit that everything goes so wrong during itp period?..
playing-wise
-lost my tone.. (thanks alot Fabian.. for saying that my tone sounds nice.. =] i'll treasure it..)
-lost a good chunk of my dynamic range.. (cant go soft anymore.. with good tone..)
itp-wise
-almost everybody else is in familliar ground.. doing lab work... plating.. research.. UVspec.. and i'm doing what a fresh Olvl graduate would be doing for holidays.. (i think i'll go back school being more stupid than ever.. oh damn.. there goes my Uni..)
health-wise
-i think i having sleep disorders.. and.. my head pulses heavily with every heartbeat.. what does that mean?.. and... maybe schizophrenia.. hmm...

but.. u must be asking..
why do i need to divert my own attention?.. and from what?..
hmm.. so.. ytd i chatted with yueyuan for a while.. he sent me sibelius.. and told me something..
well.. lets say that its stuff that nobody would want to hear..
that night my mind.. sort of.. shut down..
its suddenly was so crystal clear!.. so blank!.. just like a brand new whiteboard!
i mean.. there were times where i tried to meditate.. and.. its like.. the whiteboard has blue stains that is so hard to wipe off sometimes..
it was soo clean.. that it scared me..
i tried to sleep before i turned off my laptop..
haha.. but i did turn it off..

i thought...
did he tell me that to show off to me?..
den again.. shes not like a commodity.. like a iphone.. show off for what #$%^?..
lets just think that he has good intentions..
hmm..
but how long has all this been going on?..
how long have i been cheating myself.. been cheated by myself?..
how long have i been living in my own dreams..
how long have i been a 1000000W light bulb?
and never bothered to turn myself off?
just how long.. have i been pulling myself together.. for someone that loves someone else?

lots of questions... no answers..
maybe i don't want the answers..
nothing really matters now..
time to pull out the dagger in my heart.. ow..
like nothing happened..
[just a self reflection.. don't worry.. everybody will get their wishes.. well.. almost everyone.. ]

[edit] hey you.. hope you are not thinking the same way about fang as what you told me about liming on Friday..
say until like choosing kalimantan brides liddat.. @#$%.. rarr..
if you are thinking that way.. i'll fight you until one of us dies..
You hear me?

be a man.. do the right thing..

.

HEY~ GOOD MORNING!
its a saturday morning~
and i'm going to work in 7 hrs time...
nitenitez
and morning!

Labels: complains